You judge yourself for having after childbirth? Yes, I did. I thought I was a failure as a mother. This has worsened my depression. I was already in hell, and I was rained down an abyss. I became desperate, discouraged and depressed. I could not make feel me better. I thought that if I had to change a layer more I would lead a cliff.
One of the things that I needed to do was stop judging MYSELF and my progress. I look around me other mothers and still less find. I will liken myself. Why they could breast feed and I couldn't? How is it that they appeared to manage better that I did the sleep deprivation?
What is wrong with me? He y days and days and days where I really hated to be a MOM. I love my daughter, but this task to be a MOM was terrible, and I could never see myself "who loves the work." I was a mess! It seemed as if enjoying friends of all my "MOM" and even love having a new-born. I tried to "fake" who was "abusing this phase" when in fact, I was hating every minute. But I just couldn't get "right" on my feelings. I couldn't let me off the hook. Every day is difficult. I was an emotional train wreck.
I sought treatment. I had step, I would have gone off the coast of the deep end (I was almost there anyway) my marriage would have failed and I could have lost my daughter. Fortunately, not for these things to happen. But the trip, I had to take to recover, giving me a huge break.
I am a survivor and knew that get "on the other side". It was a very long and arduous task, but the worst was behind me, even if I didn't know that at the time. It was "a day at a time", learning the difference between reality and fantasy. And part of this fantasy was that I was somewhat a horrible mother and any negative feeling that I was on Mothering only exacerbated my judgmental feelings.
At each session, my therapist would help me to recognize what is real and what was a fantasy. She was very patient with me. It was as if I had to refuse his point of view, each time, until I could he go out and "wear" and realize that it was mostly right. I started to put the pieces of me back together. Little like Humpty Dumpty. I was the victim of an accident to learn to walk again.
Finally, learn how not to judge myself so mercilessly and giving me a break, I was able to create new tracks "brain" and started new belief systems. Over time, much of the drama and negative thoughts began to disappear. I have gained new tools for life and began to enjoy more mental health over time.
With time, I was able to look back and realize that I do not consider myself hard that I had. And I began to see that other too lutté moms and mothering is not really easy for anyone, all days of the week. Pass by this process not only has made me a "better" mom, but personally, I am a better and happier, more content wife. I am not the same person I was before, I am a better incarnation of the "girl" I used to be.
